oh god the rape fog is back!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
