Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
