Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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