I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
