im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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