I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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