We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
