we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
