In the future we'll all be gay
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
