I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Life is so much better after having sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
