Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How naked do you want me to be?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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