Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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