I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize