I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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