even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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