doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Houston, we have a blender
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
