This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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