I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
