Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
