I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
