I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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