if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
