I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
