i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
