pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry about my life...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
