i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How naked do you want me to be?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
