im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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