yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
