He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
