he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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