life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
