hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize