Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
