I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
