We named our party play list daddy issues
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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