hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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