Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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