dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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