2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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