True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
