she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
