I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think my moral compass just broke
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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