im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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