he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
