Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
