you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
