Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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