Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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