as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just want to make out with him forever
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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