so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What a dumb baby whore.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
