And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
