even my farts smell like vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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