Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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