theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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