She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize