I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
