Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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