I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
