I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
