Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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