omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
