porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
