Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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