I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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