She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bring me that man meat
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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