Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
