When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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