Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i think my cat just said my name.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
