You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
