Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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