It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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