My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
