what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
