we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize