all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
