I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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