Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
