I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
