Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
