He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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