yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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