The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
